They say that college is where you find yourself. In my case, I found several selves. But of all the parts of my identity, one my most favorite is my Mermaid-self. Transforming into Plex altered the trajectory of my life. It introduced me to people, experiences, and feelings that I never dreamed conceivable. I was just a 19-year-old girl who wanted to be a part of something with some flavor, something that aided in establishing my place in this world, something that would allow me to leave a lasting impact. I never expected all that I got. Lambda Tau Omega, with her powerful waves, crashed into the depths of me. And each time she was done shaking me up, swells of her love shrouded me like a blanket. I owe her very much and love her more that.
I think I’ve been struggling with identity my whole life. From the deepest crevices of my memory, I can recall the intense resentment I harbored for the paleness of my skin and my likeness to my white counterparts. I despised the “white girl” tone in my voice that somehow blended with the flavors of my early days in New York, my innate latina spices, and the sounds of the towns and cities I’d go on to settle in. I was wounded by the disconnection from my “Puerto Rican-ness” – relationships with family on the island, that sense of home and belonging, the language, the dancing, my history: Borinquen.
High school was a nightmare. I wasn’t white enough to truly relate to the girls in my US History class nor wealthy enough to fully integrate with the girls on the field hockey team. In the era of “Spanish girls always take our men.”, I was not a fan favorite with the black girls at school either; my popular black boyfriend didn’t help my cause. I didn’t speak Spanish, so there went that crowd. I found myself rather lonely – me, myself, and my intelligence. My intelligence was the thing I banked on to get me out and one of the things I begrudged the most. It somehow tied into this idea that I was “better than” when all it’d ever been was a tool for advancement. My smarts would allow me an escape and with them I could become a mechanism of change. I felt miserable and alone most of those four years – no one should feel that way. I wanted to change that.
I developed a love/hate relationship with my enigma-like nature and have gone many years searching for my place. My search truly began on the streets of Philadelphia, in the halls of Temple University, in the heart of the city. North Philly would be the metropolis that would come to change my life indefinitely; a place that will always be home.
I cannot go further without giving credit to my line sister, Reyna Florentino. LTO swept her off her feet and into Her trenches long before I had even considered sorority life. Going into the spring semester of my sophomore year, I had connected with the dopest latino crowd on campus and shared a space with them that was full of love and laughter, acceptance and comradery. I met my best friends there. They were perfect. I dormed with an amazing group of black women – they welcomed me with open arms and I never felt different. The inclusion led me to feel like I could be “myself”, whatever that meant. My college experience was checking my identity boxes one by one. I was good. Then along came Reyna.
One of the most spot-on things I heard while pledging was someone call her “Frank Lucas”. Reyna could figure out how to do everything and knew something about everyone. So, when Reyna approached me about LTO, she stroked my ego like it’d never been stroked before. She offered me strolling and a legacy. “They’re mermaids.”, she said. She went on to explain the philanthropic focus was child abuse prevention and assured me that I could make a difference. When I dove into the diversity of the faces I saw and witnessed firsthand the attention they commanded, I was sold.
With me and a friend of mine, Reyna had the nine interests she needed to get the Fall 2008 founding line, on. The five that made it went on to establish a unique legacy. The small group of women that would follow us would go on to become President of Lambda Tau Omega, National Governing Board and JHC members, revivor of the National Stroll Team and Stroll Team Captain, Doceres, Co-Docores, Light Houses, and more. Degrees were earned, careers established, families built. Some became mothers and brides, others – maids of honor, bridesmaids, and aunts. Whether in the royal blue seas of Lambda Tau Omega or on the distant shores of other lands, LTO and the extensions of Her enchantment, solidified Her place in my identity.
Through Her, I met womyn that looked like me, who’d been hurt like me, who’d struggled and were struggling and are struggling, like me. I earned my place in a sea of multicolored and multi-cultured womyn, whose strength is seismic and identity, complexly woven together. I entered a room of mirrors that has shown me the best and worst of myself for over a decade – allowing me to change and become more imperfectly beautiful. I encountered revolutionaries and peaceful sirens that helped to encourage the balance I try to maintain today. I loved and lost in Her seas. I shed my scales time and time again, and with each molting She recognized me still, offering me another opportunity to make a change, to get it right, to make an impact. I am Lambda Tau Omega and she is me. And when I forget, I only need to return to the sea.
